Stay Calm and Accept Life Changes

Okay, here I go again...

I never wanted to start a blog but I am thinking about using it with my class next year so I figure I better work out the kinks now. When I wrote my first blog ever (days ago) I had it in my mind that I would sit down and blog every night like clockwork. I had great intentions but then of course life happened, as it has a tendency to do so my bad on the silent treatment.

Anyway, I didn't reread my first blog (I probably should have) but I do recall writing a little about quitting my job that weekend so I'll catch you up with that...

In the 6th grade I met a deaf girl (there is a little story that goes with that but maybe later) who led me to Sign Language which I absolutely fell in love with and decided I wanted to teach deaf students. Yep, at 10 years old I knew exactly what I wanted to do. There are probably 30 year old folks running around now who have no idea what they want to do with their life, but I did. So I went after it wholeheartedly earning a BA and MEd in Deaf Education. I was (am) completely proud of myself for all of my accomplishments. I taught in deaf classrooms for 12 years, constantly learning and changing the face of deaf education by using technology to enhance my classroom. During this time I did everything I could think of to improve my school chairing committees, attending conferences and training so I could then become certified to train other teachers. I established student groups and created relationships of trust and respect with my students as well as their parents. Needless to say, I was on the "ladder of success", or so I thought. Lots of things happened which helped me realize I was never going to be as successful as I hoped to be while at that school (at this time). So after 12 years doing the one thing I love, I quit and found a job teaching in another (related) area.

Now, some of you might be thinking "okay, and?". But this is a HUGE deal for me. Although I know in my heart of hearts I have made the right decision for my future I am TERRIFIED. There are days when I wake up nauseous and in a panic just thinking about all the things I have to figure out; retirement funds, 401K, leave time, how to survive with less income, etc. I've probably had at least one panic attack everyday for the past week or so. I keep replaying situations and asking myself "was there any way to avoid this?". What could I have done to avoid feeling the need to quit and go somewhere else? Then I realize that was the main problem; I KEPT doing and doing and never getting recognized, no high fives, no promotions, nada. If I was content staying in the classroom until I retired I would still be at that school because that is as far as I would have been able to go. I want more. I want to help teachers reach each of their students, I want to make decisions for a school as a principal (one day), I want to make decisions about a school system or district (much later in my career). As much as I LOVE teaching those are all things I can't do if I'm still in a classroom.

I  really hope blogging will help me to stay calm and accept life changes. I'm sure I'm better for those changes and I will soon be making my way up that "ladder of success" (for real this time).

So all in all I'd say yep, change is good! For now, anyways...